Bittersweet
by Red Princess
Summary: REPOSTED. "Take it... Look at me..." Know the truth. A take on Snape's childhood and pre-Hogwarts years, all from his POV. Includes his meeting with Lily, and their early friendship. Bit angsty, DH-based.


A/N: Well, here it is! Bittersweet, revamped (not really) and rewritten (just barely) for you readers out there. This story has evolved from an original twoshot idea to a full blown story (spanning from Snape/Lily's childhood to death) to a oneshot. Go figure.

Now, I know the original Bittersweet I posted up here was co-written by my friend hisanachan, and I had promised those readers that I (we) would work on it and re-post it over the summer. I talked to hisanachan and she and I decided that we don't have the time to continue our original idea as we had hoped to. Rather than disappoint again, I decided to post my part of the collaboration since I had had all of it written up already.

This was originally supposed to go all the way from Snape's childhood to his death, but I never got around to completing it. Anyway, I hope whoever feels like reading this enjoys. Feel free to drop a review! )

* * *

"Take…it…"

Take them, Potter.

"Look at me…"

Know the truth.

--

I hate my parents. I _loathe _them. My bloody Muggle-born father thinks I am a freak. My mother is too afraid to say otherwise.

Magic.

It subjects me to his awful rages.

He finds fault in everything I do with magic. Without magic, I can't do anything right. So basically, in his eyes, I never do anything correctly.

He abuses me, torments me, threatens to do horrible things if I don't "get rid of" my "abnormal abilities".

He's rude to _everybody_, drinks stinkin' Muggle alcoholic beverages all day and night, hits Mum, and fills our house with smoke from a fat brown stick he jams in his mouth.

In short, he is the furthest thing from a 'father'.

And my mother?

Well, she is (or rather, was) a prideful person. She once loved calling herself a Pure-blood, which is why I can't even begin to fathom why she married a Muggle with "filthy blood". Perhaps it was an arranged marriage…

She's only just begun to realize what a mistake that was. And what a mistake it was having me, according to her husband.

Yes, she was prideful. Now, she just seems cowardly.

Mum's been insisting on hiding her magical abilities, trying to forget about them and forget they ever existed. She's denying her Pure-blood heritage, throwing away everything that once meant something to her, because of _him. _

So that makes me the "family freak".

Everything about me—from my inherited powers to my skinny, pale appearance—displeases them. But what do they expect? It's not _my _fault I have powers, now is it? And as to my appearance—well, _they're _not really that easy on the eyes either!

I can't believe Mum's actually been trying to persuade me to get rid of my powers! What an idiot. Me? Hide my abilities just to please my pathetic excuse of a Pure-blood mother and that Muggle "father" of mine? I refuse to be a coward like Mum.

I'm proud of my "freakish" powers! One day, I'll be accepted into the Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. I'll be the greatest Slytherin Hogwarts has ever seen.

--

I first saw Her when I was ten. It was on the day Mum and I had yet another argument over you-can-guess-what.

Mum had just lost her control completely and actually used her magic, just for a split second.

She used the Cruciatus Curse on me.

Even though it lasted less than a second, the pain was so unbearable—worse than receiving hundreds of kicks and punches from "Father."

I wanted to die.

When Mum withdrew the curse, she hit the stone floor in my bedroom with a loud '_thud'_. As I turned around, getting ready to run away, out of the corner of my eye I saw her look at me, briefly, with a look of pleading and desperation in her brown eyes. Then, it was gone, and she was glancing wildly around for her husband, who just might've witnessed her "impressive" display of magic in his house.

And me? I ran.

I didn't care where I was going. All I knew was that I needed to get away.

When I finally stopped to take a breath, I realized I had run into the other side of town. You see, I live in Spinner's End, where the poor, the sick, the outcasts, prostitutes, witches, and warlocks dwell. I belong there—among the other abused kids, crying in the streets, scavenging for food and money.

Now, I had strayed into the part of town where the wealthy people live, in their huge mansions with their children who always receive the best. "Normal" houses populated this area, too. Muggles usually owned those.

Looking around, I saw that I was surrounded by vibrantly-colored flowers, tall, green trees, chirping birds, bees, and…the pleasant laughter of children. Now _that's _something you won't hear near my part of town.

Curious and intrigued (because I had _never_ heard _pleasant_ laughter before), I followed the noise to a playground, which was deserted except for two young girls.

One of them, the older one, I assumed, was standing at the base of a swing set. She seemed plain, like me; nothing great or special. She had short, cropped brown hair and brown eyes, like Mum. Her whole body was ridged and, following her apprehensive gaze upward, my eyes fell upon _Her._

She had long, reddish-brown hair that turned almost golden in the sun. It flew around her head, waving around like thin flames of dark fire. Her eyes, a stunning, sparkling green, were alive with joyous laughter. Barely holding on and sitting on the swing seat, she swung higher and higher into the sky. Unlike the other girl, who looked worried that at any moment her companion would fall off, _She _seemed to be having the time of her life.

She looked so…free—as free as a bird when it's soaring through the air.

And her laugh…it was music in itself, hypnotizing, able to conjure up wonderful images in my mind. It shed rays of light into my life; it made _me _feel happy. It made _me _feel free.

All too soon, the lovely sound was cut short by a call from a house on the edge of the playground-park area. "Petunia! Are you and Lily out there _again_?"

I watched the brown-haired one swivel around to yell back, "Yes, Mummy! We're coming back now!" Petunia beckoned to her sister (I figured), Lily, who immediately stopped swinging and dejectedly said, "Aww, already?! I don't wanna go back! Mummy and Dad are inviting Mr. and Mrs. Brown over for dinner tonight….I hate them! They _always _laugh about me and--"

Lily was abruptly cut off by Petunia, who hurriedly whispered, "Shh!" She glanced around worriedly. When she saw that no one was in sight, she warily continued, "Mum told you not to speak about….THAT in public! What if someone heard you? Anyway…" Petunia made an effort to calm herself down. "I'll bring you back out here tomorrow, if you want. We just need to wait till Mum's occupied…" she said, winking at Lily.

Lily giggled. "Tuney, I don't know what I'd do without you! I promise to be good tonight and not--….do you-know-what, if you promise to take me out here at least once a week." She stared at her sister, mock-seriously, and held out her hand.

Petunia shook it. "It's a deal, Lily!"

The two girls linked arms and started to head back to their house. At that time, I had been pacing around, thinking about Lily. She had been able to swing super-high without falling off…luck, maybe? Petunia had cut her off when she was about to say something about her…her what?

Because I was so intent on my thoughts, I didn't realize that, at a certain point, I had gasped out loud. Clamping my hands over my mouth, I hoped that they hadn't heard me.

Petunia didn't.

Lily did.

I'll tell you, I was surprised that she did. I mean, I didn't gasp that loud, and we were about **30 feet **away from each other!

Still, she spun around and narrowed her green eyes at the bush I was hiding behind. _Please don't come over. Please don't come over…_I was thinking frantically, afraid of what they would think, seeing me (a "freak" from Spinner's End) in _this_ part of town.

Lily took one tentative step towards my hiding spot, cocking her head quizzically.

"Lily, what is it?" Petunia confusedly whispered, gripping on to her sister's arm more tightly. Her eyes darted from Lily to the bush, and back again.

Her sister only held up her hand to silence Petunia, and continued staring (at the exact spot I was hiding, I could've sworn).

_Go away. Go away! _I clenched and unclenched my hands in nervousness. I was starting to sweat. _Go away…_

Finally, after what seemed like hours, Lily tilted her head (in unexplainable _understanding_, almost), grabbed Petunia's arm, and continued walking towards their house.

"It was nothing, Tuney. Nothing at all…"

--

When they left, I breathed a sigh of relief and went back to thinking. I realized that I had gasped at the moment when I thought Lily could be a witch. I mean (really), it's possible! The thing she could have been referring to when she said, "…they always laugh about me and--," could be _magic – _her magical abilities.

And _that _would explain why Petunia looked so horrified when Lily had almost said that. And the way in which Lily stared at the bush I was hiding behind…so intently, almost as if she could _sense _I was there…and when she tilted her head, in _understanding, _maybe….MAGIC. It all made sense.

She could be a witch!

I nearly shouted in pleasure at my discovery. A girl, (my age, even) possibly a witch…I could tell her exactly what she is, what Hogwarts is…we could learn to be excellent wizards together! Maybe she would even be in Slytherin and, and -- …

Yes, perhaps I was getting carried away. But, I needed some excitement in my life – something to look forward to. And (_finally_) I had found it. And so, I devised a plan.

I figured that, if Lily really did like going to the playground so much, she would "behave" herself, therefore allowing Petunia to stick to her end of the deal, and take her to the playground, as promised, at least "once a week". I assumed they would come at around the same time every week, or whenever their mum was "occupied", whatever that meant. All I had to do was get away from Mum every afternoon for a week and hope that I could spot Lily and Petunia again.

Until I had been able to see Lily play at least a few more times (to make sure she was really a witch) I didn't want to rush ahead and say something stupid till I saw _absolutely sure. _Then I'd tell her. She'd have tons of questions to ask me, and next year we'd be able to go to Hogwarts together…

It was flawless!

Or so I thought.

--

When I got home, "Father" yelled at me for "running away". Strangely, though, most of his words seemed hollow. I guess it was Mum he was really mad at – _she's_ the one who did magic, after all.

I heard him screaming at her all night, raging and breaking things and threatening to kill her if she ever used her "damned Devil's powers" again.

I couldn't sleep at all.

--

The next day, after I cleaned the house on Mum's orders (to get rid of "Father's" alcohol and cigar smell), I was able to escape for a few hours. Making sure Mum was occupied (when she shut herself in her bedroom, sobbing), I quietly headed out.

This time, I knew where I was going, and why. I made it to the other side of the town in a few minutes. Quickly and quietly, I found the playground and seated myself down behind the bush.

And, I waited.

And waited.

Waited to hear that musical laughter. Waited to glimpse her fiery red hair and sparkling green eyes.

I waited till the sun began to set and still, that sound, which had made me feel so FREE, didn't come.

The sun was well hidden from sight by the time I went home, bitterly disappointed.

Yes, I was disappointed, but I didn't want to lose hope. I mean, they didn't exactly say _which _day they'd be going to the playground. I just had to keep trying.

--

Over the next few weeks, I slipped away from Spinners' End around the same time each day. I stayed at the playground until the sun set each time. Mum didn't notice (or maybe she didn't care) when I left. She seemed more downcast and withdrawn than usual, I had noticed. Probably "Father's" influence.

I spotted Lily and Petunia a few times, once each week. So far, Lily hadn't resumed her swinging, but she did other things, each one of them confirming my suspicions that she was a witch. She made leaves and twigs float on thin air, flowers wilt and bloom again, sand swirl around her, and many more things. I figured hat I'd have to tell Lily sooner or later that she was a witch (if she hadn't already figured that out herself). I just needed to wait for the right time.

--

The next week, I made my way to the better neighborhood and hid behind the bush. I had been doing this for about a month now. Fall would be coming in a few months – later on this week, I would hopefully receive my acceptance letter for Hogwarts. For this reason, I needed to talk to Lily soon.

I didn't have to wait long.

In a few minutes, I sensed Lily's rushed clatter of feet, and Petunia's more hesitant steps. Then I heard it: the screeching of a swing being swung back and forth and Lily's gleeful cries.

Then Petunia's voice reached my ears. "Lily, don't do it!" she yelled.

I looked out curiously. _Don't do what? All she's doing is—_

And what I saw rendered me silent.

Lily had just literally _flown _off the swing and floated midair for just a bit too long. She landed lightly on her feet, grinning widely and ignoring Petunia's horrified look.

I was impressed, completely astounded. The other little tricks she did were good but _that _was…amazing! I couldn't believe she had been able to pull that off.

"Mummy told you not to! Mummy said you weren't allowed, Lily!" Petunia burst out, yelling insistently.

I rolled my eyes. _Mummy this, Mummy that… _Bloody hell! She needed to start acting for herself, like Lily was doing. I mean, you don't _always _have to listen to your parents…especially if they're asking too much of you.

"But I'm fine," I heard Lily giggle. "Tuney, look at this. Watch what I can do."

Petunia sighed wearily. I saw her look around, to see if anybody was with them in the playground. No one was, except, of course, for me. But Petunia didn't know that. She turned back to Lily and hesitantly nodded for her to continue.

Lily smiled in delight and, to my horror, walked towards the bush I was hiding behind. She reached out her hand and, for a moment, I thought she was going to pull me out of my hiding place. But her outstretched hand fell short of my body, and thankfully clamped around a pretty flower growing on the bush.

Lily placed it in her palm. She glanced briefly at her sister, then looked back down at the flower, staring at it intently. I saw Petunia looking at it, her expression half fearful, half expectant. I found myself staring at it too, wondering what was going to happen.

After a few seconds, it moved.

Petunia shrieked and backed away from lily, who was gleefully smiling at the flower which opened and closed its petals in her hands.

"Stop it!" Petunia shrieked, her face flushed in anger but her hands fearfully shaking at her side. "Stop!"

I watched Lily try and constrain herself from sighing in exasperation. "It's not hurting you…" Her eyes darted back to Petunia, only to be met with wide-eyed fear. In resignation, she took one more look at the flower and threw it sadly back to the ground. It spiraled down and landed near my feet, its petals clamped tightly together.

As Petunia watched it fall, I could've sworn that I saw _longing _in her eyes, not just fear and disgust. She tore her gaze away from the flower and locked eyes with her sister. "It's not right," she whispered, almost as if she was trying to convince herself. When she asked, however tentatively, "How do you do it?" I heard it again - longing. There was definite longing, and even some resentment, in Petunia's voice. No matter what her parents had told her, she wanted to be able to do magic. She wanted to be what Lily was. The problem was, Lily couldn't tell Petunia how she was able to do it, since she probably didn't even know what she _really was_.

I figured it was time she found out.

Taking a deep breath, I stepped out from behind the bush, trying not to appear nervous and afraid. I tried for casually friendly instead.

As soon as Petunia saw me, she screamed and backed as far away from me as she could get without leaving behind Lily. Lily, on the other hand, froze but didn't move away. Instead, she narrowed her eyes at me, trying to be brave.

I looked at her and said, for Petunia's benefit too, "It's obvious, isn't it?"

"_What's _obvious?" she coolly replied, taking in my appearance and raising an eyebrow. She crossed her arms and waited for my response.

I felt my cheeks flush involuntarily. Trying to blame it on the weather (it was scorching hot), I told myself that I didn't look _that _bad (I looked fine…for my standards, anyway) and that I had nothing to be embarrassed for. After months of waiting, I was going to finally reveal the truth to Lily!

Glancing at Petunia, who was now glaring at me suspiciously, I lowered my voice and said to Lily, "I know what you are."

Lily cocked her head quizzically. "What do you mean?"

I took a deep breath. _Here it goes! _"...Y-you're…You're at witch," I said truthfully, looking her squarely in the eye.

Lily flinched and uncrossed her arms in resentful surprise. "Well _that's _not a very nice thing to say to somebody!" She turned on her heel and strode away from me, towards her sister.

The next thing I knew, I had shouted, "No!" and was running after her like some maniacal stalker. Lily's response was not what I had expected. I was waiting for something more along the lines of: "Really? You mean it?" or "So _that's _why I can do all this stuff!" or even "Cool! Thanks for telling me!" But, no, that's not what she said to me, and now I was chasing her, unwilling to let it end there.

Lily stopped at the base of the swing set, where Petunia was waiting. Both were staring at me, apprehensive yet disapproving. I looked at Lily again, desperate for her to accept this, and said as convincingly as I could, "But you _are_. You are a witch. I've been watching you for awhile…" _(Did I just say that?!_) "—But there's nothing wrong with that. My mum's one, and I'm a wizard--"

Petunia cut me off, bitterly laughing…at me. She seemed less frightened now as she spat out, "Wizard! _I _know who_ you _are. You're that Snape boy!" To Lily, she added scornfully, "They live down in Spinner's End, by the river." She faced me again and asked accusingly, "Why have you been spying on us?"

I felt sick. I had planned this moment for awhile, and it was going all wrong. If only Lily spoke up more! If only Petunia wasn't with her all the time! She was mocking me, ridiculing me, pointing out that Spinner's End clearly wasn't the best place to live. As if I didn't know that by now! And then, she accused me of spying…on her. Why would I wasn't my time spying on a _Muggle_?

I was angry. And embarrassed. "Haven't been spying," I mumbled. "Wouldn't spy on _you_,anyway," I added, glaring at Petunia. "You're nothing but a Muggle."

I didn't expect her to understand what that meant (she didn't), but she clearly didn't mistake my tone of voice when I said it. I guess she figured it was a derogatory term.

"Lily, come on, we're leaving!" she said shrilly, grabbing her sister's hand and dragging her away.

Lily glanced back at me once, evidently angry, but there was something else…perhaps she was considering what I had said.

I found that somewhat unlikely to believe.

--

For the next week or so, I stayed in my house all day, entertaining myself by making rocks and silverware levitate. Mum left me alone – she was too busy fighting with her bastard husband.

I forced Lily out of my mind and instead eagerly awaited my acceptance letter from Hogwarts. It was now nearing the end of July. If I was lucky, I'd receive the letter sometime this week, probably.

One morning, I got my wish. Me and Mum were actually eating breakfast (for once) while "Father" smoked his cigar in the living room. I was just about to take a bite of my burnt toast when I heard him shout, "What the hell?!" That was followed by the rapid flapping of wings and some more outraged curses from him.

"What the…" Mum muttered, rising out of her chair. Before she could make it into the living room, however, a gray owl came flying straight towards her. She ducked; I nearly choked on my toast. Held between the owl's beak was a letter. And not just any letter.

It bore the dark red seal of Hogwarts.

I jumped out of my chair in surprise and delight, took the letter from the owl, and ran out of the house.

Behind me, I could hear "Father" shouting something about my "freakish powers" and "damned owls" and "not going to that devil's school", but I couldn't care less.

I ran to the only place I knew well besides my own house: the playground. Along the way, I tore open the letter. It read, in delicate script:

**Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry**

Headmaster: Albus Dumbledore

_Dear Mr. Snape,_

_We are pleased to inform you that you have been accepted at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. Please find enclosed a list of all necessary books and equipment. _

_Term begins on September 1. We await your owl by no later than July 31. _

_Yours Sincerely,_

_Minerva McGonagall _

Deputy Headmistress

I only stopped to take a breath once I reached the playground. My chest was bursting with excitement. _I made it! I'm going to Hogwarts, no matter what my bloody Father thinks of it! _I joyously thought. Throwing a cursory glance at the playground out from behind the bush that I was standing behind, I realized with a start that I was not alone.

Lily was there, too.

I was ecstatic at my luck. The day I got my acceptance letter, I just happened to see Lily…alone. Amazing! This was convenient; I could just show her the letter as proof that I was a wizard and that she was a witch.

Taking a deep breath to steady my rapidly beating heart, I tentatively stepped out from my hiding spot. I didn't want to rush towards her and startle her. After all, I wasn't sure how'd she react to my presence after the last time. I slowly made my way towards Lily, who was sitting on a swing. Luckily, Petunia was nowhere in sight.

The closer I got to Lily, the more I noted her expression. It was vacant, almost. She kind of looked confused, scared, and dazed at the same time. A piece of paper was clutched tightly in her free hand that wasn't holding on to the swing chain.

My heard skipped a beat. _Could that be what I think it is…? _

"Lily?"

No answer.

"Lily?" I carefully called, just a bit louder.

I was at the swing set now, standing right in front of her. Slowly, Lily's expression shifted into one of revulsion (and something else…) as her green eyes focused on me.

"What're _you_ doing here?" she asked, her tone hostile. Still, I didn't miss the waver of unsureness in her voice. Her gaze hardened.

My breath quickened. _C'mon, don't mess things up like last time! _I told myself. "Er…well, uh, about what I said last time…about you being a witch and me being a--"

"Wizard, I know," Lily finished, sighing, her gaze softening. She directed her line of vision past me, staring off into the distance. "The truth is, I think you're right…Even though Tuney insists that I'm not a witch, I keep thinking that you're telling the truth. Look…I got this today." She held up a letter from Hogwarts. "I've been accepted…" Her green eyes met mine, expectant. "Is there really a Hogwarts?"

"Yes," I said. "There is. My mum went there when she was our age."

Some spark came back into Lily's eyes. She seemed to regain her energy and enthusiasm and asked, "What's it like? Did she ever tell you?" The excitement was barely constrained in her voice.

I smiled, pleased with her questions. Making my way over to her side, sitting on an empty swing, I proceeded to tell her everything I knew about the wizarding world and Hogwarts.

Her bright green eyes never left my face.

_-- Part 2 --_

We met every day for about a week. She listened intently, genuinely interested. Sometimes, her eyes clouded over in confusion, but I always tried to make things as clear as possible. I poured my enthusiasm into her, and soon enough, she seemed just as eager as I was to go to Hogwarts.

I told her several times she would do fine; she already seemed to have mastered her powers quite well. The only time my faith in her success wavered was when she asked me _that _question.

"Does it make a difference, being Muggle-born?" she asked, her eyes focused intently on my face.

I took a deep breath. _Should I tell her the truth and risk her being scared off, or should I lie? _I hastily thought. I knew for a fact that Mudbloods were shunned, and that she would never make it into Slytherin if she were one…. But I didn't want to discourage her in any way.

And so, I lied. A tiny lie that I felt would help and benefit her.

"No, it doesn't," I reassured her, my insides clenching up.

She nodded, satisfied, relieved, and turned away for a moment.

That's when we heard it: a twig snapping, rapid breathing, and muffled footsteps. Lily stiffened, instinctively moved further away from me, and shifted her eyes towards a tree that was behind the swing set.

I followed her gaze.

There, peeking out from behind the tree, was Petunia.

--

Her fist was clenched in anger, but at the same time, she looked quite guilty and nervous. She hurriedly ran towards her sister. "Lily! What _are _you doing here?!" She glared at me and added, "With _this _Snape boy? He's dangerous, Lily! He's been filling your head with lies!"

_Well, only one lie… _I was ashamed, because Petunia had some truth in her accusations. Still, I had a right to be angry. "Well, well. Someone's been spying, hasn't she?" I said mockingly.

Petunia immediately came to her defense. "I haven't been spying!" she yelled, pushing Lily further away from me.

"Oh really?" I raised an eyebrow, entirely unconvinced.

Petunia flushed. "Yes! Anyway, what right have _you _to accuse me and tell my sister this load of lies about that magic school, witches, and wizards?! A lies!" she spat.

Lily flinched; even she seemed frightened at how her sister was acting. As for me, I felt there was something other than me telling "lies" that was bothering her. I could see it in her eyes. Jealousy, almost…and longing, yet again.

"Anyway, why don't you go back to where you came from? Go back to Spinner's End – the place where al the _freaks_ live!" Petunia finished, her eyes narrowed in disgust. Nostrils flaring, she grabbed Lily by her arm and marched off.

I saw Lily glance back at me, her gaze sorrowful and apologetic. I mouthed the words, "meet me here tomorrow." I wasn't sure if she saw me.

In Petunia's haste to get Lily away fro me, she didn't notice when a white slip of papers fell out of a pocket in her skirt. They fluttered through the air behind her and landed at my feet. Curious, I picked them up.

What I read was bloody pathetic.

On the first sheet of paper was a letter from Petunia (tear stained, but obviously written in her best hand) to _Hogwarts_. In it, Petunia asked…no, _begged_ Dumbledore to let her attend the school even though she was a Muggle (so she figured out what that meant…I was impressed). She claimed she only wanted to watch over and protect Lily, but I knew better after seeing that longing in her eyes. Ha! What a hypocrite!

The second slip of paper was written by Dumbledore (in a delicate, fine script) to Petunia, informing her that she wouldn't be allowed and couldn't even get into Hogwarts, seeing as how she was a Muggle… And he wrote that in a very nice, sympathetic way, I noted.

Petunia didn't seem to be taking the rejection lightly, seeing as how she chose to vent out her anger and jealous on me. What a little – …

And yet, I felt sorry for her.

…Just a little.

--

The next day, I went to the playground again, hoping that Lily would be there without Petunia.

She was.

"How'd you manage to get away?" I asked.

She smiled. "Oh, believe me, Severus, I have my ways," she said mischievously, her eyes sparkling.

_Severus… _I smiled to myself. It felt weird, in a good way, hearing her say my name. It was like she was finally acknowledging me as a person. I enjoyed it.

When I looked at Lily again, her expression had changed into one of sadness. She sighed. "Tuney is…well, I don't know what to think. She keeps telling me to stay way from you, that you're a bad influence on me, that Hogwarts isn't real… it's a made-up school for freaks like you…" Lily turned away, her eyes downcast.

I wanted to reassure her, but I didn't. Instead, I just gave her the papers that Petunia had dropped, telling her to read them and hoping that she would sort things out with her sister.

When Lily read the letters, her eyes grew wide and her hands started shaking. "When did…where…how did you get these?!"

I laughed. "Your sister dropped them yesterday while she was dragging you away… So, what do you think?"

Lily shook her head in confusion. "I-I don't know! So Tuney really believed that Hogwarts is real this whole time? …And I – oh, I feel so sorry for her!" She brought her hand up to her mouth and furrowed her brow in sympathy. "I should – I should go and talk to her…" Lily glanced at me. "I should go…before Petunia comes and finds me here again. I guess I'll see you soon – at the train station."

I nodded. "At the train station, then."

Lily got off the swing seat she was sitting on, looked at me and smiled, and walked away.

I waved back to her, telling myself to stop feeling sad. It's true – I felt the tiniest twinge of regret and sorrow, although I haven't the slightest idea why. Was it because this marked the end of our "secret" meetings at the playground? Was it because summer was ending, and soon the bitter frost of winter would come?

In any case, I should've felt happy. I would be going to Hogwarts within two weeks. I'd finally be away from "Father"! And, the best part: I'd be going with Lily! I was hoping we'd both be in Slytherin together (despite her being a Mudblood). I told myself I had so much to look forward to, so why should I feel sad?

The sun was setting. Taking one last look at the playground (_This could be the last time I come here…) _of my childhood, of secrets, meetings, and blossomed friendship, I turned around and headed back home.

--

Most of my time the next week was spent on getting ready and packing (not that there was much to pack though). All I had were a few books and some old clothes. Mum took me to Diagon Alley to buy all my supplies. A few of them we had to get second-hand, seeing as how we were short on money.

I spent a lot of time admiring the shop displays. The one I liked most was the one showing the newest broomstick model. If there was one thing I was looking forward to at Hogwarts, it was playing Quidditch. I had long been fascinated by the sport and I hoped to make it onto the Slytherin team, playing as a Chaser…or a Seeker, perhaps.

There was always a hug crowd of kids around the broomstick display. I remember one of them – a taller than average boy with messy black hair and brown eyes. He wore of pair of black-rimmed glasses that tilted sideways on his face. This boy was always right up front, staring at the broomstick with a rather feverish desire and longing.

Once, I heard him ask (in a rather annoyingly arrogant voice) his father, who was a spitting image of his son, if he could get the broomstick. His father replied, "Oh course! I'll buy it for you when you make into onto the Gryffindor team." He then patted his son affectionately on his head.

I felt myself, then, overcome with jealousy. Was it because the boy was going to get the broomstick of his dreams? Or was it because he had a father that cared?

--

Before I knew it, it was the start of my first year at Hogwarts. Mum took me to King's Cross; I left to go without a backwards glance at my house or a goodbye to "Father."

Once we got to Platform 9 3/4 , I immediately started looking for Lily. There were thousands of other people around – some shoved past me laughing (I had a sick feeling they were laughing at me). After pushing and shoving my way around for a few solid minutes, I finally spotted her.

She was talking, rather urgently it seemed, to a hysterical Petunia. I got close enough to hear what they were saying, not daring to go right up to them and interrupt their conversation.

"…I'm sorry, Tuney, really, I am! Please listen--" Lily grabbed her sister's hands. "Maybe once I'm there, I'll be able to go to Professor Dumbledore and persuade him to change his mind!"

Petunia was hardly listening. She had started to cry and was gasping for breath, trying to control her emotions. "I-don't-want-to-go!" she ground out through clenched teeth, wrenching her hand out of Lily's grasp. "You think I want to go some stupid castle and learn to a – a –" Her eyes flitted back and forth from Lily to the many students in their long black robes carrying their owls and rats. " – You think I want to be a _freak_?!" she spat out, glaring at her sister.

Lily flinched, her eyes narrowing. "I'm not a freak," she said clearly. "That's a horrible thing to say!"

"That's where you're going – a special school for freaks," Petunia continued, sweeping away Lily's words with a flick of her hand.

Lily clenched her fist in anger. To her sister, she fiercely spat, "You didn't think it was a freaks' school when you wrote to the Headmaster and begged him to take you!"

Petunia's eyes widened, her pale skin flushing a bright red. "W-what?! I didn't _beg_!" she hissed, though her voice shook with guilt.

"I saw his reply. It was very kind."

Petunia crossed her arms. "You shouldn't have read--" she whispered angrily. " – that was my _private_ – how could you – ?!"

Lily glanced towards where she probably sensed I was standing. Involuntarily, I stiffened and hastily turned away. _Now she's going to know I found it…_

I heard Petunia's outraged reply. "_That boy_ found it?! You and him have been sneaking in my room!"

"No! We haven't gone to your room," Lily explained defensively. "He found it in the

playground. You must've dropped it after - …" She trailed off in guilty embarrassment.

_- After Petunia dragged lily away because we had been meeting secretly… _

Pentunia's face was now a deep red. She angrily turned on her heel and marched over to where her parents stood. "_Freak_!" she spat over her shoulder, never turning to look back once, not even waving goodbye to Lily when her parents did.

I saw her shoulders shaking as she and her parents walked out of the station. Was she crying in regret perhaps? Or was she just shaking in anger?

Shaking my head, I cleared away all of my thoughts of Petunia (_after all, what did she matter? She was only a Muggle…) _as Lily tearfully walked over to me. Her green eyes were downcast; still, they seemed to sparkle as tears rolled down her pale skin.

"S-she hates me… Tuney hates me!" she sobbed, rubbing her eyes. They moved to my face, glaring at me accusingly.

"What?" I dumbly asked.

"She hates me! Because you found that letter!" she accused. "We should never have read it…"

I sighed. Petunia was a _Muggle_, for Merlin's sake! What was so bad about me reading some pathetic letter she wrote to Dumbledore? The girl was nothing but a hypocrite!

"Hey," I said gently, trying to cheer her up. I didn't think trying to justify my actions would be of any use.

Lily looked up at me again, her eyes still red from crying. "What?" she sniffed.

I grinned and gently, but firmly, took her hand. "This is it! We're off to Hogwarts!" Her shaking hand in mine, I led her aboard the Hogwarts Express, forever leaving behind the birthplace of our innocent friendship.


End file.
